http://www.swmcrematorium.gov.uk/ Thinking about getting a rose bush and plaque: To provide a plaque and sponsor a rose bush for 5 years..... £152.00 Additional plaque and sponsor for 5 years.......................... £89.00 Renewal of sponsorship for 5 years: First dedication........... £152.00 Renewal of sponsorship for 5 years: Additional (each).........

From Heather GUILT... Mum, if I could see you once again, i would say SORRY for all the stress and pain i caused when i would not go to school. I did this as im sure you knew because you and dad had split. I knew you were heart broken and i wanted to be with you to hug you when you cried. I stood by and watched you die. I wish i could have been older so i could have realised what was going on. I sent you notes under the bathroom door begging you not to take your life, which you had locked yourself in to try to do so. Although i believed you wouldnt, i had so much fear inside. So i sat outside the bathroom and wrote to you saying how much i love you and that you would be okay! After a quick trip to Tesco i bought you home some flowers and you hugged me. Many nights i would hear you cry yourself to sleep and cry to Nan on the phone. Some nights i slept beside you so that you weren't alone. I felt like this went on forever but im not sure how long it did continue... THAT NIGHT.... The night before you passed you were weak. You could not talk . You could barely move. I remember you were laying on the green sofa because you could not get upstairs. Before you got this bad i would help you in the shower as you were weak and un steady. I saw you cough up blood and then say that you were worried, what if you have got cancer back. I said that your ok, the doctor said you were okay. I wish i knew what was happening i could have stopped it from getting this bad. If i couldn't have saved your life i would have made you feel comfortable in your last weeks of life. You must have been in so much pain. I think it was a night or two before you died that you phoned nan saying your legs had swollen and you didnt feel well. She kept telling you to go to the hospital. But you went to the doctors, which you had to stop half way for in the car to catch your breath as you were struggling to breath. He failed to see what was going on . You always said to me that if you ever got cancer back you would rather die then go through it all again. Either you didn't mean it or that's why you didn't go to the hospital because you knew you had it and you wanted to go. You felt it was your time. After all your marriage had broken down, you were lonely, you were not happy and hadn't been for a long time. THE DAY YOU DIED... That night i had slept on the floor right beside you because i was worried and that way I could fetch you something when you needed it. I had placed a cold flanel over your forehead because you were really hot. You had pillows under your head which you asked me to take away because it was uncomfortable.Through the night you were trying to sit up and then falling back down because you were so weak. You were already gone at that point, you couldn't speak and didn't acknowledge me. I didnt think to call for an ambulance, i didnt know what was happening! I managed to get you to sleep by stroking your hair and i remember kissing you and whispering to you that I love you. I held your hand for a while. And then i went to sleep. You were quite loud sleeping making all these funny breathing noises. I remember at one point, it could have been an hour, half an hour or ten minutes before i woke up...SILENCE. And i remember thinking that you had died in my sleep, i felt a sense of relief, as if your spirit had come out of your body, like the films, and there was peace. Then i woke up at 7 o'clock. It looked like you were sleeping. I kept calling 'mum!' but you laid there still. I put my ear to your mouth to see if i could hear or feel you breathing, nothing. Your belly was still warm, this gave me hope. It took about 20 seconds until i started screaming up to my sisters saying ' Mums dead!' I remember shouting 'NO' and being hysterical kicking and punching things.Everyone was in a state of panic. I sent , i think Jade to Michelle's to get help an she trying to revive her. When the ambulance arrived , Michelle quickly to us to her house. We sat in the living room crying. Dad came in and hugged us all. We were all in shock. THE WORDS WE DREADED.... After an hour or two a policeman came into Michelle's front room and said he was sorry but she had passed away. Shortly after we went back home, into an empty house. It felt like she had gone out shopping or something. Michelle insisted on us hanging the washing outside like nothing had happened, but i know she was just trying to distract us. That night i slept really well, to my suprise. I think i had cried so much i was knackered. LIFE NOW.... Life now is hard! I wish you were here , i find myself in situations where you just need your mum for advice or a shoulder to cry on or just to look after you. Ive not only lost a mum, ive lost a friend and there is a hole in my heart that no one could fill but you. I truly miss you and i still grieve you. My life would be so different if you were here. I dont know why you were taken! I will never understand, i just hope your in a place without stress and pain...I love you Mum! x

I am I and you are you, whatever we were to each other that we still are. Speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? Life means all that it ever meant, it is the same as it ever was.